To the (Misogynist) Colleague Next to Me

After last week’s ear biscuits, I decided to give my coworkers, who have different and difficult to cope with habits one more chance and embrace their existence for what it is and “change” my outlook for a more “relaxed” work environment.

Seems like that will have to wait.

When I dumped my dried up “women’s day” roses to trash, one coworker (who recently blamed the tragic plane crash on a female co-pilot, claiming the male pilot neglected his duty as he was having an adultery encounter on duty with the lady and therefore the crash happened, and he made this joke while we were finally receiving the news of death tolls) was asking who dumped their “women’s right” to bin?

And then that dude who sits to my left got started. He began with how absurd that even though there’s a international men’s day and an international transgender day (yeah, they “learned” that on women’s day), still women’s day is “more highlighted”. Since nobody in the workplace responded, he got started with how women and men are never equal, no female athlete would win a race with a male athlete, if she does then the man must be lacking something, in no field women are doing better than men. No matter what, it is scientifically proven that women will always be weaker than men.

Still nobody was giving him any attention.

Then he was like, then how come women win less Nobel prizes than men “if they’re equal”. Believe it or not, it was the end for me. I countered him with how many women don’t receive credits for their work in STEM. Then he was like, well, “some of them (women)” receive credits, right? How come they receive credits then? Women want unfair and undeserved rights.

I was trying to logically argue that, women have received unfair treatment for thousands of years in getting credits and recognition. He was like, then they will always be behind thousands of years, since it will be illogical for men to stop for thousands of years to reach an equilibrium, and therefore the gap will persist forever, hence women should stop demanding “equal rights” and be content with what they have.

This pissed me off so hard that it became impossible for me to concentrate on work for a while. I was thinking of instagram DM-ing Anna Rothschild, because I had to let it out to someone who would understand. I’m glad I didn’t. Anna does not deserve such pathetic DM on a sad Pi day when we lost Stephen Hawking.

Speaking of Stephen Hawking, that colleague was demanding, “Name one female physicist as famous as Stephen Hawking, or Einstein or Sir Issac Newton! There are not many big female names, yes, some might have worked hard, but the men work equally hard to get recognition, and recently, thanks to your “feminism” only the successes of female scientists are highlighted and men’s successes are overlooked and “praised less”! Admit it, you have go all resources and amenities, you don’t need “equal rights” because you are not, and never gonna be “equal” to men in any way. I’m not saying women are useless, I was born to a mother, I have a sister. They have certain roles in life. But there is and always going to be a gender gap, and it is legitimate. You feminists are demanding what is undeserved.

Sorry, that was one dang long quotation. But that’s what I’ve been enduring for past few hours.

I know I am just a speck of Mythical Beast, but I politely want to ask Rhett and Link, how do I deal with this? How should I respond?

I am asking your opinion feminist fathers I know on the internet, Man vs Pink, Dad and Two, Feminist Dad. How would you respond if you were me? Or if/when you see someone around you saying toxic misogynist crap like this with full conviction that they’re being “logical” and “right”?

I am asking for your help too Scientista Foundation. And all the other organizations that work with and work for women in STEM. What should I do? Like how should I handle this situations in a workplace where HR is all about recruiting and firing people and keeping a log of their attendance and leave and the whole workplace has a deaf ear to such behaviors every single day?

(Update of the updates: Well, it’s been a while since I wrote this blog, and it was my last entry so far, and make no mistake, things have gone even worse since that day. Internalized misogyny has become so toxic in our office that regressive fundamentalism is being normalized withing the four walls, oh cherry on top, homophobia is being explicitly celebrated, well it’s (homophobia) is legal in the beautiful country I live in, but this explicit homophobia is making it worse! People (read: the person who is blogging this) do crazy shit for money!)


Love & Me: Two Parallel Lines!

I thought about drafting a blog when I was spending delightful time doing number 2. It’s one of the few things that relaxes me (yayy poop humor! I’m literally “full of it”). I had some idea, that includes references (or inspired from) one certain chapter of Rhett & Link’s Book of Mythicality- which is Chapter 10, (Say I Love You Like it’s Never Been Said). The problem is, I F O R G O T what I thought when I was making satisfying and relaxing brown thingies for the sewer system to work on. I must go raw.


Raw as this “abstract” drawing by me, depicting my “sadness”! Classy! Meh!


Well, you may consider this as my “Generic February Blog” covering Spring and Valentine’s Day. Neither I am a huge fan or expert of (respectively) In my defense regarding the “spring” thing, I am dang allergic, and the allergy queen rules the spring kingdom! GRRR!

And my (lack of experience) is somewhat my creation. Let’s assume (for the sake of context, and save my life) I am a good for dang nothing straight broad with everything a man does NOT wanna deal with. TBH, I generally don’t treat other peoples’ opinions as absolute, but this “opinion” about me from a dude-friend of mine, or you can say was (well, (according to him) I “thought” was) my boyfriend at one dang naive point of my life. That dark and crazy limbo time of switching between vet school to engineering school till the whole freshman year. Dang! It’s kinda self explanatory! A frustrated (almost) college freshman grilled in the burning reality all at once (ah the caustic flames of South Asian “values”, misogyny, and financial trauma).



Yeah right! Who would ever want to deal with T H I S? (But this tie thingy was inspired by Sarah G’s iconic style in Auto Tune The News #10 ) 

Oh, did I mention he also said, “You’re a good friend and great human being” while expressing his opinion how unfit I was to be a straight amorous interest? My apologies, for he “sincerely” said that. I don’t hold it against him though. It’s his observation, and he just wanted to “not soil” a friendship that we had before I apparently “stared imagining things that weren’t there”. He’s happily married now and his wife lady managed to give him hope that he lost in a bad breakup before my naive days (ah “teenage dreams“).

The reason why I considered his “opinions” because, my male friends without any awkward amorous tensions have always had similar remarks. Like I am “repulsive” as an amorous interest to “most men” around. Well, apart the creepy and predatory asshats. Generally I don’t regret it. I never had any “fantasy” of “one true love” for myself. My only man-crush IRL (also happily married now), a true gentleman he is, thought I was a dude (even though I changed my gender info in FB, (which I generally keep “male” to fend off the creeps, and boy it works) for me, it’s was HARD! I never feel comfortable as a “female” there, I know where dress and makeups are found, the shitty advertises can suck my imaginary dick!). Even though I literally sat in the next table to his one almost every single day in college.

Seems like I’m cursed/destined with men majoring in Electrical and Electronics Engineering! The first dude ever to approach me for an amorous courtship back in middle school, that “supposed” boyfriend, and pièce de résistance, the IRL man-crush- it can’t be a coincidence anymore, CAN IT (actually the first and last one became classmates in college)?

The ball is on your court dear men who majored in EEE, and are interested in women generally thought to be “good friends”, “great humans”, and “everything a man does not wanna deal with when it comes to being an amorous interest”.

(I know I am nowhere near the point. However, it’s totally fine if you’re bored, and I apologize.)

Yes, Chapter 10 from Book of Mythicality! The chapter is about how you should profess your amorous feelings (do I use the dang word amorous (and dang) way too much? Sorry) to the loved ones in your own creative way, which makes it more mythical, magical and exclusively yours. And NOT about how you would find an amorous partner for the first time when you’re 26, without any previous experience of dating!

That is why, the wonderful chapter had zero utility for me if you consider the principal purpose of that chapter was how to profess your affection.

However, that chapter got me into worrying about something many heated discussions with parents, and/or other relatives could never do. Worrying about the fact that “my time” is running out. These two men found the people they have been in love with, and committed to when they were barely in their twenties. When they went through the bulldozers of engineering school, maintaining a great result (this part seems most fascinating to me, and that might be a giveaway that I’m not okay), and staying in touch with their creative sides. I could barely move, talk, and exist – apart being absorbed in frustration, competition, exhaustion, and giving my best to become a good-enough computer engineer. Guess what, it didn’t work out.

(Can never thank Gregory Brothers enough for being by my side during college days. I guess I never told you Morchael, but your OMG somg was my anthem during the stalling cafeteria times when my man crush was sitting a few feet away from me, musing over his then-girlfriend, who was a gorgeous being)

And here I am now. I cannot even concentrate on any amorous thoughts without being distracted by the fact that I am a failed engineer. And when I concentrate to be a good engineer, I start thinking how bad of a writer I am! And when I think about writing, my mind drifts to the land of despair marked as “how inexperienced I am in love”.

Trifecta y’all!

People around me are finding “love” (or amorous relationships) flying left, right, and center. In this time o social networks and internet it’s supposed to be “easier”, right?

To be honest, I don’t even know anymore! I, however, have found another reason why I am such “love handicapped”.

Before you draw any conclusions, I am strictly referring to my conditions. This necessarily does not apply on others. Don’t compare this drool’s life to yours.

Turns out I am unable to love and accept myself for the person I truly am. I am not in peace with myself. Maybe if I did, I probably would at least make myself do better than this loser self that I am now. And even though more of it has to do it with me, I have some blame for the mental illnesses I’ve been suffering from for last 12 years (or maybe more). If I get to love myself more, I might do better, and will probably get by without an amorous companion.

So, again like last year, here’s to me! And my old buddy mental illnesses and inability to do better. Constructive narcissism FTW!

Dream Diary/The Ultimate Mythical Sleepover!

Can’t believe I am blawgging at werk. But hey! I write blawwwwgs for them all the time! I should be allowed to write some of my own! Especially when it’s MY BLOODY LUNCHBREAK! Today’s gonna be a looooong ass day. Already got a shitload of werk and only 40% of that is finished! I MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY WHEN I CAN, BEFORE I AM THROAT DEEP AT WERK 😡


Anyway, after a loooooong time (I’m emphasizing the o’s because it’s been VERY long time), I had a good and interesting (or maybe just plain good) dream, that did NOT involve me running for my life or making out with a friend to save him from black tar like alien beings that can kill people or I am forced to take high school tests AGAIN!

I dreamed that I had a sleepover with mythical crews Becca , Allie , Lizzie, Ellie, and Micah.

Phenomenal right?

It so dang was!

It was a long dream I guess. I fell asleep by 2:00 am and woke up by 8:00 am (I don’t get such long sleeps during weekdays (I know I’m pathetic, you’re free to judge)). And I don’t remember much about the dream apart, my parents moved back to our old house (yes, I still live with my parents, I’m “culturally bound” to some extent, in case you didn’t know). It’s somewhat renovated. And somehow there are some strange changes in the BGB HQ (Headquarters area of the border guard force, which is right in front of our house ) landscapes, and there’s a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge field/stadium in front of our place. And some big arse UN cultural event was taking place there (yes, I saw the UN flag).

And Mythical Entertainment sent their delegates there. (Yayyy!). Since I was the only mythical beast around who lived right next to the event venue, they stayed with me (it wasn’t strange at all! Booking hotels and hiring guides are for boring reality, meh!). So there we were, Becca was very jet lagged, Ellie and Lizzie took a keen interest in phuchka, a local snack that my mom served, and I had a very animated conversation with Allie and Micah about local places they must visit that tour guides in Bangladesh normally won’t take foreigners to (like Shahbagh Shishu Park, Old Dhanmondi Streets, Nilkhet, Biryani Joints in Old Dhaka, and my rooftop (I remember mentioning THAT)).

I took them to the event that I don’t remember much about apart people in VERY SHOCKING PINK UNITARDS RUNNING AROUND THE LENGTH OF THE FIELD. When we got back, Becca immediately hit the hammock. The rest probably had dinner or cleaned up. But I was already preoccupied with the cowdung that stuck to my feet.

I JUST COULD NOT WASH IT OFF! It took me a while to wash my feet and when I got back, I saw THEY MADE A FORT IN MY ROOM!



I don’t remember anything else now! I don’t care if I won’t! I’m way to elated already!

Maybe it was a residue of the reality that YouTube Red isn’t available in my country, along with playstore purchases. And I had a “consolation dream”.

I don’t mind consolation dreams like this!

I promise, dear crew members, I’ll take you to the best tasting phuchka, biryani, and rezala places in Dhaka, if you ever think of coming here. Till then, you are always welcome in my dream! ^_^

I love you all!


Like we needed any more! Ugh!

Since I am from the third world, underprivileged mouse-hole, let me start with what we grow up seeing. In our country, government LEGALIZED underage marriage of girls in “special conditions” such as “rape”, “pregnancy” or “kidnap” (because nobody would marry a woman who was abducted by goons when she was young, let’s get her married off with the available jackass). You can safely say, this has made majority of people happy, majority live in the rural area and they just don’t want to deal with the daughters when they reach teenage. And this “majority” vote, therefore, keeping them happy means securing more votes.


Honey, everything is fair in love, war and misogyny!

When I was younger and more naive, I had  faith is many stuff that are not as promising as I thought those are. Like the concept of communism. Sure it’s all nice and fancy, when you’re born and raised in a family where you’re economically safe, there are three meals in front of you and you don’t have to worry about working or getting paid for your hard work, it’s fancy. It is also tempting when you are in walking because you don’t have the money even for a bike and someone is riding their Convertible in front of you. But when you get past the naivete, you snap out of it. Today, I’m not here to diss communism. That’s another thing to save for letter.

Let’s talk about the other thing my naive self used to think. WEST IS DIFFERENT! THEY LET THE YOUNG GIRLS ENJOY BEING YOUNG THERE! How horribly wrong I was! Sure, the parents don’t marry off their 8th grade daughter, but they sure expect them to be “ladylike” and “poised” just like the parents in the east do. The society, the sick media and the pedophiles come crawling at the poor pre-teen girls, to make sure they don’t get to enjoy their age.

It happens to regular kids, one year they are just little kids who play, fight and roll in the mud. The next year, they’re fussing about the lipstick brands, boyfriends and trashy popstars (err, no judgment here, just some default metalhead rants, excuse me). If you’re going to start “Hey, THEY VOLUNTARILY DO THOSE STUFF! NOBODY FORCES THEM TO DO THAT!” bullshit, I suggest you to shut up. Right there!

NO! They do that kind of stuff because that is what portrayed “normal” for them. Why does a 13 years old girl think about making herself look like a lady? Because the surroundings sow a tiny seed of evil thought that, if they look like a lady, that’d be good for them. Anyway, it is also true, if the parents are conscious, and the girls in question are resilient, they get to enjoy a normal pre-teen life.

But the poor girls who work in media? Bless them.

Pre-teen girls are often portrayed as more “grown-up” ish these days. These little humans are presented in designer gowns and makeups to cover their teenage innocence and give them what gets the “circulation”, SEX APPEAL! UGH!

This is so wrong! Not only this harms this poor kid, but also the kids of her age AROUND THE WORLD! When one child, who plays an iconic role in a series that is very jerry popular, the promotion stills and videos go viral in a snap! And the whole world grasps on whatever is provided.

More precisely, whatever pedophilia-friendly bullshit is provided! We are in a time when child pornography and sexual abuse on children is an uncontrollable problem. AND WE ARE FUELING IT MORE BY putting a pre-teen girl’s face plastered with makeup on a magazine cover and writing the word SEXY on it!

NO! DON’T EVEN DARE SAYING “Come on! She was only on the cover, and other grown-ups in a list are referred as “sexy”, not her!

Asshat! We know about the font sizes and how those impact your first impression! That pedophile in bus stand won’t bother reading the tiny text! They’ll see the poor teenager, and they’ll see the word SEXY. And they will jerk off to that! Yeah, that’s how they function!

STOP DOING THAT! FOR FUCK’S SAKE! LET THE KIDS BE KIDS! GIVE THEM CRAYONS FOR KIDS FOR A CHANGE! They have had enough of the “baby size tuxedos”, “baby lipsticks” and “baby cocktail dresses”!

More importantly, STOP STEALING THE CHILDHOOD FROM THE PRE-TEENS! They only get a few years to enjoy the innocence, until life happens, where more predators, financial crises and other demons start haunting them!



I don’t know anymore if it has become only a “modern” South Asian sentiment or if the whole world resonates the same, but must being a “successful woman” mean a woman who “balances” all the “roles”? This is gonna be an “uncomfortable” one, if just not “boring”. Thought I’d just let you know.

I should clarify the premise beforehand. Last Friday I went to a book launch event. That book included many success stories of women around us (mostly women born in Bengal region). This book written with a view to bring about female role models for the young generation, regardless of gender. My friend, an educator, and a passionate feminist, was very excited. Actually she informed me about this book and everything.

Anyway, this panel consisted the moderator, who was one of the authors, an educationist, who runs the administration of a very famous school, the first two female combat pilots of our airforce, the first female Mount Everest climber in our country, and a champion weight lifter. The last four ladies were mentioned in the book.

I guess my friend’s enthusiasm and (more importantly) a shitty week at work (it’s gonna start from tomorrow, and is gonna get A LOT WORSE) heightened my expectations and I hoped they would talk about the REAL issues women face.


Every single panel member was gushing about how they “manage” every single role they play, how it is “natural” for women to “compartmentalize” and “multitask”, how “supportive” their families are. Like they’re trying to say, “if you want to be successful, you MUST BE PERFECT!” Like that shitty meme (or a motivational quote) found in every trashy “for female” facebook pages, like how a woman must, “Look like a girl, think like a man, work like a horse and dress like a lady” to be “successful”.

Fuck them!

Sure they can keep their achievement to themselves. But HOW DARE THEM!

I don’t believe, for a fucking moment, that a woman must be a mother, a wife, a daughter in law to be “complete”. A woman does not need to be a “multitasking angel” to be “complete”. A woman does not need to be “close to nature” or have the “natural superpower” to “be perfect and nurturing” to be “complete”.

A woman is “complete”. That’s it! She is born complete. She is complete when she accomplishes things she wants to accomplish. Sure, to some extent she might have some responsibilities as an offspring to parents, like very humane, obvious ones. But that she’s born into. BUT SHE DOES NOT NEED TO HAVE THE REST “ROLES” THAT WE IMPLY THE “MODERN EDUCATED WOMEN” CAN “BALANCE”.

I fucking HATE the word “BALANCE”.

It is a shitty, condescending word, used on women to make life harder for her. And “successful women” in limelight normalize the condescension. The patriarchy implies that a woman need to be a good wife, good mother, good at her work AND A GOOD OFFSPRING to be complete.

There is NOTHING WRONG with balancing ALL THE ROLES. The problem is, we use this against women who are successful and choose not to play “ALL THE ROLES” and “be perfect”.

If you are a man who never married and lived your whole life focusing on your career, you are a devoted bachelor, applauded by family and society. People mention that in block letters, makes it an important point to mention. Parents tell their boys to “be devoted like this man”.

If you are a woman who never married and lived your whole life focusing on your career, YOU ARE A WORKAHOLIC SPINSTER, WHO ENDED UP BEING A CRAZY CAT LADY AND NO MEN WOULD TAKE HER!




Katharine Hepburn, my most favorite Hollywood actress to date was faced “criticism” from feminists for saying “Women cannot have it all”.


I personally believe she’s not as revered as the other famous lady in Hollywood with the same last name, because she chose not to be “perfect” as they say and be the badass person who speaks her mind instead. But she’s my hero! \m/

I don’t necessarily agree or disagree. I believe women DO NOT HAVE TO “HAVE IT ALL”. Neither do men.

If we could have it all, and we were perfect, what would the poor devil do? Do you want to put that poor soul out of work? You’re fucking horrible! Dang!



One Doesn’t Simply Make Sexist Memes/Unless They’re Complete Jerks

Is that just me or there are more people around who find memes are the most popular form of normalizing sexism these days? Sure, many of you’re gonna drop the “F” bombs (F==Feminazi) or “S” bombs (S=Sensitivity) or Orange Supreme’s favorite “PC” bomb, of course, PC does not mean “Personal Computer” anymore!

Time to up your game Microsoft!

Anyway, let me save you the argument you sexist meme apologists are gonna make at first. Yes, meme is just another form of humor content. There are many areas to explore for this new form(mat?) and creators from every corner of the world are contributing with their own brand of humor with this meme. And like every form of humor-based content, this can get offensive to some extent, there is nothing wrong with it. If we can swallow Ryan Reynolds saying sexist stuff with the red deadpool suit on (does he say anything REAL sexist? Or it’s just the meme-artists put D-Pooly’s face with sexist words?) why can’t we take some good ol’ manly humor from that “I don’t always” dude?

Women arent right


Dang! I forgot to check my genitalia! But wait! If as a woman I’m “wrong” and I think I have female genitalia, DOES THAT MEAN I’VE GOT MALE DING DONGS?

Anyway, I get your point, you’re trying to say, when someone is playing with humor, it can sometimes get a little too far and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s a part of creative process.

In all seriousness and sense of humor (was the phrasing right? I can’t even tell anymore!) I (pretend to) respect your opinions, but I believe memes are one of the latest big thing that is normalizing sexism for us.


1. You encounter these almost everyday, MULTIPLE TIMES, whenever you’re browsing your home pages on social network platforms

2. It is generally perceived as a “harmless” humor content

3. It’s “trendy” and we are often slave of the “trends” and therefore lose our ability to be rational and cross the line

(and more)

Let’s just get visual for a change. Like what harm can some “funny” texts on pictures do anyway?

Since I’m a woman of STEM field, let’s just start with the “humor” that’s milked straight from women’s hand. Well, their ability to “handle” technology.

tech sexist meme

I’m sure, you’ve seen memes like these almost everywhere. Especially in home page because some of your “friends” already “liked” those and the notification just popped on your homepage. And you found it “not so uncool” too, and clicked the “like” button. It appeared to your other friend’s home page and they followed the suit.

But wait! Are you fucking serious?

People forget how to catch a break when it comes to belittling women in the field of STEM. My ladies in Scientista foundation, Stemettes, GirlsWhoCode and STEMFem have enough resources to shut you asshats down so I won’t even bother. You fucking goldfish memory people (or probably plain ignorant bozos), do you even know why some women are still a little concerned when they handle new technology? Because your fucking patriarchy did their best to keep them away from technology. However, that didn’t work, did it? Despite all the constraints, the wage gaps, the classroom sexism, the workplace sexism, the lack of cooperation from family- still women are not quitting and leaving their marks of success in that field. Next time you post another sexist meme about women in STEM, remember this lady. None of your dick jerking male buddies could top this lady’s success as a scientist who won Nobel prizes IN DIFFERENT FIELDS OF SCIENCE.

marie curie

But the harsh truth is, a meme like this one won’t get as much likes, shares and “reacts” as that sexist one did. Controversy and insults circulate better than true, empowering facts. And this clearly helps people who are yet to grow a value to navigate their stance. Those sexist memes would make that 7 years old brother/son/nephew of yours, who peeks behind you when you’re on phone browsing fayboo to think that women can’t do shit when it comes to technology. He’s likely to “mansplain” how the “computer scanning” works during computer class to a girl. If the girl is as sassy as I was as a 7 years old, he’ll be lucky and get an earful, which will be beneficial for him in future. But if that girl is a little nervous and probably has seen memes like this or in general, like most girls are, was raised with the value that, “girls are no match for technology”, would think she indeed is no match for technology.

(People can get rather creative when it comes to being a fucking sexist)

Goodness! Even writing about these “meme sexism” normalization in the field of STEM drives me crazy! RAWRRRR!

Speaking of DRIVING! (Dang! That was a great segway! (or segue?) Good job, me!) How many of you have seen this meme for the first time in your life? (I know only a few people read my blogs, but I can tell, this is a very fvcking common meme!)


Ohh! Poor man! Your lady can’t drive? She wrecks every single car? She doesn’t know how to fix the simplest problem with car? Of course that’s one thing to make fun of! Unless you remember that you’re just the same, but you can’t even realize because your fucking ego was always boosted by your surroundings because just because you have a certain type of genitalia, it immediately makes you a better person when it comes to handling automobiles. The sad truth is, some women, like I said when it comes to STEM, are doubtful about their driving skill only because they grew up learning that women are supposed to be “bad” at driving. But if you ignore that, women are just as good at driving as men! And when it comes to “fixing the problem”, I’ve seen enough men to mess with their car with “confidence”. Sometimes they get lucky, but in many cases they are as clueless AF, while only women are butt of this kind of “humor” when it comes to dealing with car problems. Yes, there are more women than your sexist pig brains can think, who can fix the automobile problems themselves or know what the auto-mechanics are doing.

Fuck off! Fix your patriarchy bullshit and then make fun of women who drive! You still think sexist memes are funny? Those are like pelting women virtually with real darts. Darts are game accessories after all, but those are sharp, does sting and can actually be harmful. Try to find humor in things that are actually funny. Like your lack of intellect!

Let me just get you another form of “humor” where murder is normalized as something funny, because “women should have shut the fuck up”! These people are no different from those tiki torch bearing racists or journalist slaying ISIS terrorists!

normalizing sexist murder

DON’T EVEN DARE SAYING “That’s the format of demotivator memes. It’s supposed to be ironic, sad, and offensive” This meme is far away from humor, it’s not even just sexist. IT’S PURE CRIMINAL INTENTION. And the intention is normalized in the lieu of a “format” of internet humor.

I can keep on ranting about memes forever, but will that matter? I don’t know. Today I found some parents discussing on a twitter thread what are the possible sources that influence kids to indulge in sexist behavior. I have some hope that people are starting to realize that THIS IS WRONG. Sexist values are wrong. So is normalization of sexism in any form. Does this benefit these meme making asshats anyway in the end? Other than getting some reactions and equally sexist stupid ass ego boosting comments by fellow asshats, this memes get them nothing. Maybe a few of them become “sensations” for a while, but hey, there’s always a new “sensation”. In the end these sexist pigs find themselves only with fellow sexist pigs and get stuck in an infinite loop of garbage ( probably along with causing occasional abuses on other people). These people don’t even know how to “get a life”.

No, I don’t feel “sorry” for these sexism “normalizers”. I just want their remaining intellect (if any) to dry up and them to be completely institutionalized. HAH!

Sweeping Monsters Off: A Thank Yoo Note

Like many people struggling with mental illness of different forms, I want to express my gratitude to Mr. John Green. This one will be very personal and words will appear that are not “appropriate” for everyone. Feel free to stop reading. (If anyone is actually reading of course).

Let me share what I just did prior to writing this blog. This is 3:47 am local time (when this line is written). And just before getting to this blog I dropped a huge brick of words in Paul Green’s Twitter message box. I feel ashamed of doing that, but I though I might just let another people know I AM NOT OKAY.

BECAUSE I WAS HAVING ANOTHER WAVE OF INVASIVE THOUGHTS. The most unpleasant one, the one I dread all the bloody time, the one that never leaves me alone. The one that bared it’s teeth to me IRL. When my dad had cardiac complications, had to be in ER and went through a surgery. It scarred me for life. And being the firstborn, I had to keep a straight face the whole time, not letting the world know what was going inside my head.

I have other issues as well, since 9th grade, thanks to all the pestering, as I was accused for the crime every South Asian parent/ family loathes, becoming a teenager, which set different standards for me (wearing traditional clothes, no crew cuts, being as feminine as Donald Trump’s Grandmother) which I could never accept, of course I went through (and still going) shitstorms from the people in my family. I’ve started having complications, disguised as fears, I tried to tell the adults around me, and they thought I was just trying to make up an excuse for my moderate grades (“perks” of being born in an over achieving middle class family, where every adult is a straight A student, coming all the way with very fewer resources than I was provided). And later, when it got bigger, the mode of their accusation “evolved”. If only heavy metal didn’t exist, I would be gone. I assure you that.

And now the thought spirals attack me at the most random times. And when they do, I do things that the “thing” inside me tells me to do, just to get things right. Like I SLAP MY LEFT CHEEK. LIKE EXCHANGING THE BAD BUZZES FOR A SMALL AMOUNT OF PHYSICAL PAIN. I chant religious scripture, I abstain from things I love to do. Just FYI, I’m rushing typing this blog because I’m not going to do anything creative after the prayer calling for morning prayer is performed, and this no creativity ban is up till 9:00 am.

Why? Because, the night/day one of my uncles passed away, I was writing poetry.

I don’t listen to Dance of the Dead, a favorite Iron Maiden song of mine, anymore. Because, my paternal grandmother passed away on the day I was last listening to it. I fear to turn off lights, because the last two times I did, my uncle and maternal grandfather passed away the day after. I don’t know how this one came to me, but I am a total slave to it. I’ve stopped wearing each item of clothing that I wore on the day any of my loved ones passed away. I just cannot bear wearing those. BELIEVE ME, I KNOW THESE STUFF ARE WRONG.


The answer is no. I just can’t. The fears rule my rationale against my will.

Do you know I don’t pleasure myself for the same reason? When I shared it with a friend of mine that I don’t do that, she was like, “Oh of course, you’re a religious woman, you sure won’t!”

Despite telling her, she couldn’t understand, it wasn’t the “religion”, it was the “FEAR” of “bad things that might happen” kept me away from doing that. These thoughts drive me crazy, these thoughts can overpower me so bad that it tears me up.

I wish there was a Dr. Singh for me. I could never have one! And now if I seek help, it would make my dad worry, I know that CANNOT be a reason for seeking professional help, but these “social” factors will be more against me right now that any times before.

I never thought I would read about a person who gets hit by such waves of worrying thoughts. I could access the fears of Aza Holmes. Those are overpowering. Once I watched a movie called An Invisible Sign. Where the main protagonist gave up things she loved to right the wrongs that were happening to people around her, more precisely, she “sacrificed” things she loved to ease off the pains her dad was going through. I knew there are people who try their best to control things that are beyond them by doing things that aren’t helping anybody. Some of us bite the soap bars, some of us drink hand sanitizers, some of us slap our left cheek and don’t turn lights off.

Not that we don’t know these are silly. We just know, if we don’t do this, WORSE THINGS MAY HAPPEN. And we aren’t ready for the worse things. We don’t want those to happen.

I am really sorry Paul, but I thought if I blabbered things to you, at least one more people will know there is something NOT RIGHT. I’m just being all Hansel-y and Gretel-y, leaving trail of foods to trace my way back. The question is, WHERE EXACTLY?

There’s no way back for me from this scary spiral my mind is stuck in. I don’t see a light when they attack. I don’t know how I am going to survive this. I have lost focus on most things. My GRE is on 18th December, and I haven’t started preparing properly YET! I have a college application to finish. I have work, I have studies. And I am losing focus on everything as the fear is getting stronger with time.




However, thank you John Green, for telling us Aza’s story. It resonated with many of ours. Now we can give a copy of this book to people and let them know what actually many of us go through when we “act strange” or don’t want to do things that are completely “normal”. Sometimes fictions are “stronger” than truth.

P.S: Shoutout to Paul Green, here is his blog. It’s really cool.