Often I wake up with the idea for writing a (very ranty) blog about something and forget what the heck I wanted to write about as soon as I open the word processor. Then while keeping on writing very meta things like this, I remember I wanted to rant about how we consider girls “growing up so fast” or “so mature” while keeping the “boys will be boys” or “oh he’s just a kid” context.
I think the price of childhood is also a related topic, but it sometimes drives me so mad that I decided to make a separate blog about it, and yes, I was so into penning that one down that I even posted in my IG story that I want to write about it, and people who see the story should ask me an update about it. Clearly nobody cares, so, nobody asks. I think that’s good though, noticing nobody gives a fuck makes it more worthy to write about. Also, see, I am only driven by non-positive feedback (note: I didn’t write negative here, no feedback is not negative or positive, so it is a safe non positive, along with grey and totally negative ones (woohooo)). Anyway, I think I will mention the price of childhood where it is relevant here as well.
So let’s jump on the rant ride! Trala lala la lalalala la!
“Oh my god she’s three and already worries about your pancreas condition! She’s growing up so fast! I can’t imagine she was just born yesterday!”
Fuck off bitch she HAS to worry about it because she is already being bathed with the negativity and condescending tones that you would possibly never use on a boy child! You call her the “princess”, you make her see that the female figures around her has to do more than the male dudes. Do you think three years olds are dumb, they can fucking recite your eulogy if they’re taught!
Maybe from the day a girl is born, she’s held up responsible! “Her fat rolls”, “Her chubby cheeks”, “Her being so messy, like boys” – everything. With the amazing progress of “fashun”, and God forsaken social media, now even two years olds are painted with makeups and prompted to pose for camera as if they’re plucked out from a French painting straight up. Sure dudes are made to pose these days, as “baby shoot” or whatever shit they call it, is the current big thing. You’re not sure if you can afford your kid’s college fees, but suuuuuuuure you can afford an expensive photographer to make your baby pose with chemicals splayed on their delicate skin (even if not being okay with life saving vaccine shots), because of course your social media post is more important than their education.
Anyway, more about how boys suffer from toxic patriarchy later. Let’s focus on girls for now. As I was saying, a little girl becomes momma’s first mannequin, dad’s first “princess”, and family’s pro bono primary humanoid child monitor if they have more sibling, the go to person to provide “advices” to, the one who needs to be complemented in household tasks as if they’re earning their first badge in “unpaid housekeeper” force. Sure, you’re saying I’m emboldening very “normal” things too pitchy with my screechy feminist voice. Of course I am, also fuck you!
Little girls are “complemented” with the burden of responsibility even when they’re not old enough to figure out what the fuck people say. Verbally, non-verbally, when their asleep or awake, they’re always been exposed to a form of condescending expectation to be responsible.
And if they’re not being treated like that by their parents, immediate family, heck, even extended family, the bloody forsaken society wouldn’t spare them. The poisonous air of “responsibility” and “accountability” will sooner or later reach their lungs, and no mask can save them from it.
Sure you will say, “dude, to be a strong woman means you’ll have to have a thick skin and not give a fuck!”
Fuck you, for saying that. Because that’s a sloppy way to keep on defending the toxic patriarchy. It’s the society that needs to change and stop venting this poisonous air. And, for a change, hold boys accountable for their actions from early age. For their own sake.
So, when you’re saying a woman’s EQ is much better than a man’s it’s more likely she had to figure out what the fuck is going on when they’re told something on the first go, otherwise the chance to get a thaw will never come second time. Seems too farfetched? It never is!
A girl is barely given a second chance to prove herself, or given credit to if they have one pitfall. And if they’re given, they’re often reminded that, “you’re only getting a second chance just because you’re a girl”. But a boy of her age, will given a second chance to prove himself, and will never be reminded about his gender. As if getting second chances, and more like getting away with wrongdoings are his birthright, even so, if they even mistakenly do one good deed, it’s brought up repeatedly.
So, here’s the stat:
If something bad is done, then a girl gets highest criticism, which will always be reminded, and a boy at best will get a warning and/or punishment and it will be forgotten after that.
If something good is done, then a girl will at best given a very gender biased, complement, like if it’s (the good deed) is something expected to be done by women, then she’d be told, “she’s getting there”, and if it’s something expected to be done by men, then she’d be told, “wow, she’s the man” or some version of “praise” that actually means women can’t get it done generally but she’s an exception. And of course, if it’s of the first sort, it will be expected from her to be done regularly now that she has drawn the first blood.
For the boy, foremost, his deed will be written in golden letters for the rest of the family history, especially if the boy does a very few significant positive things. Also, if it’s something expected more from women, then he might be warned or maybe, even though heavily praised, will be given sort of discouragement to not do that again, and if it’s a task that’s generally expected by men to be done, then he’ll be praised to moons and back, without any expectation to do that again.
This is true for every culture, every country, every continent in general.
So, more likely a boy gets to live more of a loosey goosey life, even though often they get more physical punishments (not that I’m a big fan of it), and more chances to prove themselves than girls of their age. They can make mistake and learn, but for a girl, a mistake is demotion. A mistake costs much more than one jab, and they are taught that very young.
That is why they can’t afford to be sloppy, they can’t afford not to be aware of what tone is set. They have to give their best shot, because they know that it’s very unlikely they’ll get second chances if they ruin the first one.
Throughout my educational journey, I have observed as we were studying higher grades/levels, that girls are mocked for being so serious about being attentive, and responsible at their classes, for taking notes seriously, for having neater handwritings, for bringing the stationery supplies. In my engineering school days, I wouldn’t use pen to note down lectures, and my male friends would ask me for pens because they didn’t carry any. One of them would proudly claim, I’m going to graduate engineering without bringing a single pen on my own, because that’s what a real man would do. He wasn’t joking.
I stopped carrying a pen since the day I heard him saying that, and would borrow pens from other students, mostly dudes, and would ask for him if I could borrow his pen often, because I’m the bitch he had to suffer the wrath of. I would never share my stationery supplies with any of my male classmates for that reason as well. Also, thanks to their entitlement, they really damage those very quickly, and they won’t get the chance when I’m involved.
See, their entitlement is THIS bizarre! AND THEY DARE TO TELL THE FEMALE CLASSMATES WHO GET BETTER GRADES AND BETTER JOBS THAN THEM DESPITE GENDER BIAS THAT THEY’RE HERE JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE WOMEN AND THEY’RE DAMAGING THE SYSTEM.
So, yeaaaaaaaaah! If you really want to barely survive in the world you live in as a female, you have to watch out, you have to read between the lines, you have to understand more than the dudes around you. And when you can’t, you’re always reminded that how “privileged” you are to be able to exist and get the facilities that a human being gets for belonging to the space they’re belonging to. It starts before literally you know it.
And if you’re really lucky to have a family that didn’t let these awful standards affect you, friends who wouldn’t do it either, or a school system that never allowed this sort of discrimination, still it’s very likely you’ll find someone to remind you this.
I hope someday I will really be able to write down another rant blog about how these men are byproducts of this toxic patriarchy, and how they’re often enabled to feel so twisted, entitled, double standard, misogynists by their family, and in most cases by their mothers, who are bootlickers of patriarchy because they have nothing better to do.
I better not rant more about this, I’m THIS close to start.